I am sort of a touch me not. My friends know that I am not really a “hugger” and all but one have given up on trying to convert me. So, it is not surprising that when I became pregnant, my friends and family respectfully kept their distance, even as my stomach began to get big and round and perfectly rub-able. I spent the first 6 months of my pregnancy happily touch – free.
But then something surprising happened. I started to want people to touch me. I was actually becoming jealous of all the pregnant people I worked with who were being oohed and ahed over. I was feeling left out (shockingly) and because no one ever said why they weren’t touching my belly, I made all kinds of excuses to myself about why that may be. But, the truth was simple. I had spent so many years uncomfortable in my own skin, I had pushed everyone close to me away. My friends knew that I didn’t like to be touched and they respected my feelings by staying a few feet away. But, the thing was, my feelings had changed – and they had changed a lot.
Before becoming pregnant with my daughter I spent the majority of my life obsessing about my weight, even when I didn’t need to. I was unhappy with who I was, at least physically, and felt that letting other people touch me would just clue them in on how unappealing I really was. But, miraculously, after becoming pregnant with my daughter, I didn’t feel that way anymore. My feelings of self hatred were replaced by feelings of pride and my poor self image was growing stronger by the day. I was becoming a changed woman – and my unborn daughter was the catalyst.
I felt like pregnancy was a naturally beautiful process and since I was a part of it, I guess I felt beautiful too. The growing child inside my body filled my heart with so much love that it literally transformed the person I saw when I looked in the mirror. I no longer saw my flaws, but instead my beauty as a woman. For the first time in my life, I loved my body, and more importantly, I loved myself. I wanted to share that new found positivity with others and with my daughter. When the new me would invite someone to give my belly a rub or offer a hug, I would always focus of little of that affection towards my daughter. I wanted her to know the same gift of love she had given me. Even though she didn’t know it, my daughter Amelia changed my life for the better even before she was born.
But then something surprising happened. I started to want people to touch me. I was actually becoming jealous of all the pregnant people I worked with who were being oohed and ahed over. I was feeling left out (shockingly) and because no one ever said why they weren’t touching my belly, I made all kinds of excuses to myself about why that may be. But, the truth was simple. I had spent so many years uncomfortable in my own skin, I had pushed everyone close to me away. My friends knew that I didn’t like to be touched and they respected my feelings by staying a few feet away. But, the thing was, my feelings had changed – and they had changed a lot.
Before becoming pregnant with my daughter I spent the majority of my life obsessing about my weight, even when I didn’t need to. I was unhappy with who I was, at least physically, and felt that letting other people touch me would just clue them in on how unappealing I really was. But, miraculously, after becoming pregnant with my daughter, I didn’t feel that way anymore. My feelings of self hatred were replaced by feelings of pride and my poor self image was growing stronger by the day. I was becoming a changed woman – and my unborn daughter was the catalyst.
I felt like pregnancy was a naturally beautiful process and since I was a part of it, I guess I felt beautiful too. The growing child inside my body filled my heart with so much love that it literally transformed the person I saw when I looked in the mirror. I no longer saw my flaws, but instead my beauty as a woman. For the first time in my life, I loved my body, and more importantly, I loved myself. I wanted to share that new found positivity with others and with my daughter. When the new me would invite someone to give my belly a rub or offer a hug, I would always focus of little of that affection towards my daughter. I wanted her to know the same gift of love she had given me. Even though she didn’t know it, my daughter Amelia changed my life for the better even before she was born.
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