Let me start by saying that I have spent nearly two years of my life as a stay at home mom. It has been terrible, it’s been utopian, and everything in between. I would not trade a single moment of these last two years for all of the money or good looks in the world. I was lucky to be able to stay home with my daughter and smart enough to know it.

That being said, I think there comes a time when stay at home moms start asking themselves the same question, “When (or should) I go back to work?”. When I started asking myself this very question (and daydreaming about staff meetings) I knew I had some real serious thinking to do and here is what I came up with:

1. I want my life back. I sacrificed my job, most of my friends and at least part of my sanity to stay home and raise my daughter. And even though it has totally been worth it, I want a piece of that back. My daughter will still be the most important part of my life, I wouldn’t want it any other way. She just wont be my entire life.
2. I need a break and I need a change. Staying at home with a toddler is a lot of work and it is often tedious. I am ready to trade in some of my mommy work for time out of the house – and I want to spend that time working on my career.
3. I want my Fridays back. When your week and weekend look the same, time sort of loses it’s meaning. Days lose their value. Monday might as well be Friday. That type of lifestyle doesn’t work in the long run (at least not for me). I want to dread my Mondays again.
4. I am bored. I don’t look forward to or value the picnics and play dates like I should. They are all too common. The great thing about down time is that all of your time is not spent that way. When all of your time is spent on recreational activities (even if simultaneously spent chasing a toddler) you are bound to get a bit bored.
5. All my friends are moms. So that means that I have lost complete perspective on the outside, non-kid world. Losing perspective is never a good thing.
6. Most importantly, I want to be a good role model for my daughter. But, also most importantly, I want to be there for her. In every way.

I guess the take-away from all my self-reflection and inner turmoil is really pretty simple. There is no easy answer. You can’t have it both ways, a career and all day with your children. Unfortunately, the world just doesn’t work that way. So, for now, I have chosen diapers over lunch meetings and play-dough over accolades. And even though there is a small voice inside my head still begging me to go back to work, it is going to have to wait. For now, I’m going to focus on my family and those dreamy staff meetings will have to wait.